How far would you go to prove a point?
by amy-louise11
Summary: Roy tries to get Ed to listen to him with a little advice from his friends. my first FMA with fake yaoi between Roy and Ed. or at least its suppost to be.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fullmetal alchemist fanfic and it's also my first story were I'm trying to make it funny, which means it probably won't be lol, good old irony!

Let me know what you think, its going to be quite random.

Thanks :D

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How far would you go to prove a point?

"Colonel Mustang," Havoc said in front of the desk saluting smartly, snapping Roy out of his day dream.

"Huh, ahem. Yes?" he said slightly confused. He hadn't even heard the man come in.

"The Elric brothers have returned from their mission. Edward Elric has been hospitalised and is causing trouble for the staff. Your presence has been requested as his ranking officer."

Growling under his breath, Mustang stood.

"Does that boy deliberately ignore every word I say just to spite me?" he said, shaking his head lightly.

"It would appear so, sir." Havoc said smiling openly.

"Alright Havoc, back to work." Roy said coldly.

Saluting once again he turned away a little disappointed. He wanted to see the fireworks when Ed and Roy clashed, at least he would hear about it later, word of their verbal sparring always reached across the ranks.

Irritably Roy marched out of his office after Havoc, turning away down a corridor increasing his pace.

He was going to have to find a way to make the young Edward listen to him.

"Please niichan! Calm down!" Al cried as he fluttered around the hospital bed awkwardly, watching Ed fighting against the doctors and nurses around his bed.

"LET GO OF MY FREAKING ARM!" Ed snarled viciously.

A kind of tug-of-war was going on between him and the doctors, some of them trying to hold him down whilst the others were pulling at his metal arm that had been disconnected from his body. He was covered in long gashes, some of them bandaged whilst others that had started to heal were breaking open again from the violence of his movement, leaving patches of blood over the bed sheet as he was only wearing a pair of black boxers.

"Hold him still; I'm going to knock him out." One of the doctors who were standing back said tapping the side of the needle he held, eyeing Ed's body for a suitable vein.

"THE HELL YOU WILL!" Ed cried as he used his left arm to pull his auto mail one free from the doctor's grip, slapping the needle out of his hand causing it to shatter as it hit the ground.

"Niichan!" Al shouted in a combination of anger and concern.

There was a flurry of movement before a sudden stillness and silence so everyone could hear Ed's triumphant laughter.

"Fullmetal!" a stern voice cried.

Clutching his metal arm to his chest Ed looked up.

Roy was standing in the doorway, his black eyes full of fire as he glared at Ed.

"Why are you causing so much trouble? And how dare you come back so badly injured that you have to be hospitalised!" he demanded, his anger clear.

"They're trying to take away my arm! Funny enough I'm not ok with that!" Ed cried, only slightly short of shouting.

"The doctors informed me that your auto mail arm had ceased moving. The weight of it will only slow your healing. It makes sense to remove it. It will be posted to your mechanic to be repaired." Roy said coolly, a complete flipside of himself a moment before.

Ed stared for a second.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO **POST** MY ARM!" Ed cried in disbelief.

"I spoke to your mechanic, a Winry Rockbell, on the way over here. They're too busy to make a personal trip here for the next few days. It was agreed to send your arm there. It'll be posted back when fixed or they'll bring it up once they're free from their current obligation." Roy explained calmly as he walked over to the bed hiding his irritation. He did not appreciate being yelled at by a 16 year old.

"Your arm please." The colonel said holding out his hand.

Smirking evilly up at Roy, Ed was enjoying the image of slapping the colonel around the face with his auto mail arm to take that smug look off his face.

Al watched his brother wearily.

Roy cocked an eyebrow expectantly.

Then Al noticed his brother's expression: he was going to do something very bad. With a spasm of horror Al saw Ed shifting his grip on his metal arm as he watched the colonel the whole time.

"No niichan! Just give him your arm!" Al cried as he leapt forward, not knowing totally what Ed had been about to do but knowing it wouldn't end well.

Puzzled, Roy looked at Al who had leapt to his brother's side so he was almost standing next to him.

"Give it to him niichan or I will," Al said with unusual menace. "You've caused too much trouble."

The armours red eyes flared as Al stared at his brother.

Sighing Ed looked up at Roy.

"Fine." He said grudgingly, spoken through his clenched teeth as he offered his arm to the colonel.

"Good." Was all Roy said taking the offered arm before turning away.

Pausing at the door he said audibly to one of the doctors: "Make sure you knock him out, he's not one to settle down quietly."

Turning the colonel looked Ed in the eyes smirking before walking out of the room with his arm.

"YOU BASTARD!" Ed shouted after him as he strained into a seated position.

Just as he was about to leap up out of the bed before the doctors and nurses could regain their grip on him he was firmly pushed down into the mattress.

"What! You're on their side!" Ed cried in disbelief as he looked up at Al.

"It's for your own good niichan! You're hurt!" Al said as he increased the pressure on Ed's right shoulder and left wrist to keep him pinned as he began to struggle.

Instantly the doctors swooped in, jabbing a needle into his arm non to gently, injecting him with a milky white liquid.

"Great. Just fucking great." Was the last thing the young Alchemist said before his body became limp, his eyes rolling up as they were covered by his lids.

Now that the young blond was subdued the nurses carried on with bandaging the boy's wound.

Sitting in the only chair Al watched on unhappily. Why did Ed always have to go to such lengths? He'd ended up in such a state to begin with protecting Al. He shouldn't have done, Ed new that Al wasn't as vulnerable as other people, including himself yet he always went to his limit protecting him.

"It's my turn to look after you niichan, whether you like it or not." Al thought sadly. He would make sure Ed got his rest and recovered.

To his surprise Al had to act upon his unspoken vow sooner then he'd thought.

Al had been staring passively in a state that was as close as he got to sleep when he heard a number of loud male voices out in the corridor.

The footsteps grew closer as there was a loud crash in the corridor followed by the sound of hurried apologies before the footsteps broke into a run.

CRASH!

The door flew open as a number of men fell into the room, causing the door to slam into the wall only to rebound and smack one of them on the head.

"Ow! Freaking hell, that really hurt!" Havoc winced as he rubbed his head.

"It serves you right." Lieutenant Hawkeye said as she calmly stepped into the room.

"Er…hi?" Al said unsurely as he waved from his corner.

"Hello Al. It's nice to see you're in one piece at least." She said turning to him with a smile.

"Did the colonel really take away Ed's arm?" Havoc said craning his neck to see as he continued to rub the side of his head.

"Er, yeah. It was broken. Are you here to speak to niichan, because he needs his rest…" Al hinted trailing off.

"Look guys! He's 'armless! Get it!" one of them said laughing.

"Mm. Very funny." Havoc said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't you get it? He's 'armless as his arm is missing, but he HARMLESS as he can't do alchemy! See, it's funny in two ways!"

"Huh, yeah. Shut up." Another said in response.

"Hmm. He can't do alchemy hay?" Havoc mused smiling slightly as he reached into his pocket pulling out a pen as he stepped closer to where Ed lie unconscious.

"YOU WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO NIICHAN!" Al cried frantically appearing like magic between Ed and everyone else.

With one long sweeping movement he pushed everyone out of the hospital room into the corridor before slamming the door shut after them.

For a moment there was complete silence as the Alchemists each looked at each other in shock before the door opened again.

Sticking out only his head Al apologised sweetly with his normal voice before closing the door normally as though nothing had happened.

"Ookay. He's still the quieter of the two…" lieutenant Hawkeye remarked. "Let's go. What exactly was it you were going to do Havoc with that pen?"

"I was going to sign his cast." He replied innocently.

"He wasn't wearing a cast." Hawkeye said bluntly.

"Ok, I was going to draw on his face. How often is Ed unable to do alchemy for someone to play a trick on him?" he said shrugging.

"Let's just go." She said to everyone as she rolled her eyes.

It was later that evening and Maes Hughes and Mustang had gone to a bar which was one of their usual haunts when in search for a quiet drink.

"I feel like I'm being forced to take on the role of a parent with Ed. He disregards everything. I would have thought our duel might have earned his respect as he flaunts ranks entirely. I don't think there's any way of making him act professionally." Roy said with a tinge of anger as he sipped his whisky.

Huges swirled the contents of his own glass, peering into it thoughtfully as a slight smile touched his lips.

"I have a slightly…controversial…idea that may work." He said meeting Roy's eyes. "Why not try applying a little psychology?"

"What do you have in mind?" Roy asked curiously

"Act gay." Hughes said simply.

"What? How's that supposed to gain his respect?" Roy asked laughing.

"No, here me out. If you started acting differently towards Ed it would throw him off balance, he's only a teenager he would have no idea of how to act if someone started coming onto him. I can guarantee his behaviour would improve, though I wouldn't keep up the act for too long as you may seriously freak him out and try and cause trouble."

"And you really think this would work?" Roy chuckled.

"I'm certain it would have some effect." He replied.

"Coming on to Edward?" Roy said again.

"Uh huh." Hughes murmured as he sipped his drink.

"Ok. I'll give it a go." Roy said smiling as he downed the rest of his whisky in one gulp.


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! Thank you's to:

Roy-Fan-33 – thanks! Really nice review! I've updated as fast as I could!

new moongirl – there won't be any genuine yaoi, just all pretend lol.

cutemonic fox – have done and thanks for the review!

darkraven89 – I hope you like this chap then ;)

PuRE'Curse – I'm just getting started :D

Thank you :D

Everyone who reads let me know what you think, I've not tried humour before!

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"I want to go out." Ed said petulantly

"You're not well niichan." Al said kindly. "Do you feel any better now?"

"I feel fine. I'd be a lot better though if you stopped sitting on me." Ed said bluntly as he stared at Al where he was sitting on his legs, most of his weight on Ed's auto-mail leg as to not hurt his flesh one but making sure it was enough to keep both of them pinned. Ed had already tried running away once…

"I'll only get off if you're going to be sick again." Al said darkly.

The moment Ed had woken he'd turned a strange greenish-white colour before rolling over on the bed to vomit spectacularly on the hospital floor.

He'd continued to throw up several more times into bowls brought to him by a couple of nurses. They'd explained between Ed's retching that what he'd been injected with was a general anaesthetic and if you hadn't been injected with it before it tended to make you sick.

Ed had glared at them at this point from over his sick bowl. "Thanks for the warning."

"Your behaviour hadn't exactly earned a warning." The nurse had said coldly having finally finished cleaning up his vomit on the floor.

"Al, my ankle is really starting to hurt. Can you _please_ get off?" Ed said as he tried to push himself into a seated position, wincing slightly.

"Okay niichan…" Al said uncertainly.

Al sat on the chair he'd now mentally claimed from sitting on it all night until Ed had woken that morning.

Silently as Al watched his brother rubbing his ankle with his left (and currently only) arm, covered in bandaged gashes, looking terribly pale, he couldn't help but notice the mess they were.

Al tuned out as his brother began to moan again about being fine when there was a gentle tap on the door.

The door swung open to a pretty smiling nurse holding a roll of bandaging under her arms.

"Good morning!" she said looking at Al to include him in her greeting. "How are you now Ed? I heard you were sick earlier."

For the hundredth time Ed tried to fold his arms out of anger, frustration or embarrassment only to have his arm drop down suddenly once again having forgotten about his missing auto-mail arm.

"That wasn't my fault." Ed said haughtily

"Of course not, no one said it was." She said kindly.

The nurse moved forward where she began to remove Ed's bandages. Ed looked away slowing turning pink as he was painfully reminded that he was still only wearing his black boxers.

As the nurse began to silently unravel the bandage around his chest, causing her to wrap her arms around him Al caught Ed's eye.

Ed was a brilliant shade of red from his acute embarrassment. Knowing his bother you be helpless to retaliate Al mimed hugging himself and swooning. It was usually Ed who did the teasing but he was the one in need of cheering up.

Ed's eyes narrowed as he turned redder yet.

"Oh! Ed why are you so red? Do you feel ill again?" the nurse said as she stood up having removed the last of his bandages, catching sight of his glowing face.

"No no, I'm fine!" He said hurriedly.

Reaching up she felt Ed's forehead.

"You're burning up! I'll finish redoing your bandages then I'll get a thermometer, it won't be good if you've developed a fever."

Grimacing Ed turned away.

_This is so embarrassing…_Ed inwardly groaned as he rolled his eyes.

Focusing on a point in the ceiling Ed ignored Al's continued miming which was this time kissing.

The nurse inspected the cuts over him before re-bandaging them with the clean dressing she'd brought in with her.

Al sat giggling quietly in his corner as he watched on, but instead of embarrassing Ed again it was this that relaxed him. Al didn't laugh enough any more.

"You've cooled down Ed." The nurse said as she finished bandaging him. "We'll put it down to a hot flush."

Just before she turned away she gave Al a knowing wink right in front of Ed causing his cheeks to colour again.

"Oh, and you're allowed to leave now, colonel Mustang sent through the approval for your discharge but take it easy, your cuts are only just starting to heal, we don't want them breaking open again." She said pausing at the doorway. "If you don't listen to me then the next time you're here you'll find yourself being stripped off and given a sponge bath as your punishment."

Laughing at the look on the blond's face the nurse left the room waving lazily over her shoulder at them.

"Ooo niichan, I think she likes you. Do you like her? You were going very red…" Al said innocently failing to hide his laughter.

"Shut up!" Ed laughed as his pillow smacked Al in the face.

"Do you know where my clothes are Al?" Ed said changing the subject though his cheeks still glowed a bright pink.

"I don't know niichan." Al said in a sneaky voice. "I think the nurse appreciates your boxers though…"

"SHUT UP!"

"I think she did, didn't you see her wink…"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

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After finding his clothes (which Al had been sitting on) the brothers left the hospital. Ed had refused any food even though it was midday; apparently the anaesthetic was still having effects on his stomach which, amazingly, had worn off by the time they'd got back to their quarters within the military building where Ed pigged out on noodles, ramen and ongiri.

"You'll make yourself sick again niichan and I won't be clearing it up. If it got inside me the smell would never go." Al said as he watched his brother stuff his face with the food he'd brought up from the kitchens. Ed hadn't felt comfortable with the number of stares his missing arm had received so they had retreated to their room.

"Are you joking? I'm not sure if this was enough, I didn't just miss breakfast did I? I'd thrown up everything else in my stomach." Ed said without pausing in stuffing his face.

Rolling his eyes Al sighed when there was a gentle tap on the door.

Glancing at the still eating Ed, Al called "Come in."

The door swung inwards to reveal a tall woman.

"Hello again lieutenant Hawkeye." Al said cheerfully slightly embarrassed at his behaviour from their last meeting.

"It's good to have the both of you back again." She said lightly before catching sight of the amount of food Ed was shovelling into his face.

"Are you alright?" she asked sounding slightly worried.

"I'm fine!" Ed cried as he threw down his chopsticks a little over dramatically. He'd been having trouble anyway; he couldn't use them properly with his left hand.

"Well colonel Mustang wants to see you in his office at once." Hawkeye said watching Ed uncertainly.

"Fine, fine." Ed sighed rolling his eyes.

Al stayed in their room as Ed was escorted down to Roy's office with Hawkeye.

"What does the colonel want?" Ed said tiredly as they drew closer to the office.

"Just a talk I think. He didn't say." She replied looking straight ahead.

The pair walked the rest of the way in silence, Ed's mind filled with the coming sarcastic comments from Mustang mixed with his anger from the night before where Roy'd had the doctors knock him out. He still hadn't gotten over that…

Hawkeye held the door open for him as they arrived, Ed passing silently through with a scowl already firmly on his face.

The door shut behind Ed with a firm Click.

Ed didn't even look at Roy before he'd taken his seat in the chair in front of his desk.

Looking up he found Roy watching him with a strange look on his face. One of his eyebrows was raised and he was smirking in a strange knowing way.

"What're you smirking at?" Ed said grumpily once again trying to fold his arms before he remembered and settled for resting his hand on his knee.

This caused a scowl to spread over Roy's face.

_What? That look turns the girls to jelly! I am not smirking._

Roy had thought uncertainly about how to seem gay and he had no idea so he'd decided on acting they way he did when he was with a date. So far Ed had destroyed his dynamite look.

"That's no way to talk to your ranking officer Fullmetal; it was me who got you out of hospital." Roy said seriously.

"Yeah, it was also you who told the doctors to knock me out!" Ed said crossly as he sat forward getting in Roy's face.

Suddenly Roy's scowl changed into a smile before he slowly licked his lips, cringing inwardly.

_Why did I listen to you Hughes! I feel like an idiot!_

Ed did a double take.

Did Mustang just do what he thought he'd done?

Still smiling at Ed he winked.

Ed stared horrified.

"So how are you feeling now Ed?" Roy said fighting to keep the smile on his face. He felt so dirty, sooo dirty. He was hitting on a 16 year old. A 16 year old boy!

"Yes sir! Fine sir!" Ed replied instantly from where he sat leaning back as far as possible in his chair to distance himself from Mustang.

"You will rest until you get your arm returned to you. Do you understand?" Roy said letting his smile widen at the look on Ed's face.

"Yes colonel!"

"If you don't, I'll have to call you back for a…more personal chat. You're dismissed." Roy said as he leaned forward, resting his head on his hand.

Ed was up and out the door in an instant, the hem of his red coat whipping out of sight.

Wow, there was one thing Ed was afraid of. Being hit on by a guy.

Laughing quietly Roy leant back in his chair. Ed's look of horror had been well worth the price of hitting on him.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again! I thank thee for the reviews! They were splendiferous! Heres the next chapter and Ed has a reunion with his favourite drink in the world…milk! Mwah ha ha ha!

Let me know what you think:D

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Ed walked slowly through the doorway to his and Al's room, his eyes unusually wide but unseeing as they stared at the floor in front of him.

"What did he want niichan? Are-are you ok?" Al asked uncertainly seeing his brother expression from where he sat on one of the beds.

"Huh? NOTHING! And I'm fine." Ed said snapping out of his trance-like-state to stare at his brother with a scowl on his face.

"Err…then why did he call you?" Al said suspiciously.

"All he said was to rest until I got my arm back…dam bastard." Ed said, his voice growing more distant as a worried/thinking look crossed his face.

"What's with that look?"

"What look?"

"THAT look!"

"That's just my face! It's not a look!"

"Niichan!"

"Don't niichan me! That's just my face! Stop insulting my face by indicating there's something wrong with it!"

"I didn't say that!"

"Yeah, but you were thinking it."

"Niichan!"

"What?"

"Why are you being so defensive?"

"For the love of alchemy, I'm not defensive!"

Al was silent as he shot a sulky look at his brother. Something had ruffled his usual composure, he was being defensive. Even more so then usual. Had Roy done something? They always had mini arguments, Ed had actually admitted to enjoying them, so why was he acting so strange?

Sighing Al said no more on the topic. He had a feeling it was about his arm. Ed was always a little touchy when it came to people talking about his arm and leg. It brought all the memories of _that_ night to the surface. Al certainly wasn't going to pursue that topic with Ed in his current mood.

The momentary silence was broken by Ed's stomach growling loudly.

"Hungry niichan?" Al said normally

"Maybe a little." Ed said his usual grin back in place as he scratched his head.

"The canteen will be serving dinner soon; do you want to go down?" Al asked.

Looking down at his hand he curled it a fist before relaxing it again.

"Nah, I'll go down later." Ed said nonchalantly.

Looking at his brothers saddened face Al made a gesture he knew Ed would take to his heart.

"Lets go down, I'll hold your tray and get your food for you." Al quietly but he could see the small smile curving Ed's lips.

"Alright, if you insist." Ed grinned.

-

By the time they'd reached the canteen/dinner hall it was already almost full.

Looking down at his bother he saw Ed's eyes sweep the room uncertainly, slouching slightly as though trying to not be seen.

Together they walked along the selection of food, Al picking up a tray and putting Ed's favourite things on it. As they approached the drinks Al shot Ed a sharp look. Ed was still distracted.

With lightning speed Al reached out and grabbed a carton of milk.

Al wasn't one for evil laughter, but he came _very_ close to it at that moment.

"All done niichan. Where do you want to sit?" he asked.

It was then as they both looked over the room that they heard a shout to them.

"Fullmetal, Al, come join us."

In exactly the same motion the two boys stared.

It had been the colonel that had called out to them.

He was sitting with his usual associates, his subordinates like Hawkeye, Hughes and Havoc (wow, a lot of "H's" I never noticed…) as well as Armstrong etc.

Looking down at Ed, he saw his brother seemed to be in a mix of reactions, shock, anger, and…fear? Since when was Ed ever afraid!

"There's no where else niichan." Al said quietly.

"Ok, but I'm not sitting next to colonel bastard." Ed said but it was lacking his usual ferocity.

Together they walked forward, Ed grudgingly leading the way, Al following with his tray.

As they approached it was as Ed had dreaded. Hughes had shuffled over, making space for them between himself and Mustang.

Al sat down eagerly next to Hughes where within seconds he was being shown a handful of photos of his daughter.

Ed's tray had been put down in the space next to Mustang. Groaning he sat down with a grimace marring his face.

"I hope you took my advice Fullmetal, to rest until you get back that arm." Roy said with a slight smirk as he sipped his drink.

"Shut up bastard." Ed muttered as he commenced stuffing his face.

"Ranking officer, don't forget." Roy said as he tapped himself lightly on the chest.

Grumbling under his breath Ed proceeded to work his way through his food well aware that Roy was watching him. It was very uncomfortable.

Finally having enough Ed threw down his chopsticks for the second time that day as he glared at Mustang.

"What the HELL are you staring at!" Ed demanded, his temper getting the better of him.

For a moment Roy only smiled suggestively as he slowly raised an eyebrow, actually causing Ed, **the Fullmetal alchemist**, to blush.

"Just a midget blond alchemist whose table manners are about as good as a pig."

"OH YEAH! WELL YOU TRY EATING WITH YOUR OTHER HAND WHILST A CREEP STARES AT YOU!" Ed cried before picking up on the midget comment. "AND I'M NOT A MIDGET!"

Roy simply smirked.

Out of anger Ed snatched at the carton of drink on his tray, ripping it open carelessly whilst glaring at Roy, taking large gulps of the drink without even looking at what it was.

He froze.

Ed's eyes stretched as wide as they could go still staring at Roy as the carton fell from his hand, spilling its contents over the table. Everyone on the table had frozen, watching Ed's strange behaviour.

Looking down utterly horrified Ed saw the white liquid.

For a moment he simply stared.

In a flash Ed was up and running across the hall, stumbling slightly, his hand was clamped firmly over his mouth.

"What was that about?" Hughes asked, having paused in showing Al photos.

Roy studied the carton.

"Milk."

Everyone was silent for a moment before Al leapt up in similar style to Ed.

"Wait niichan!" Al cried as he ran across the hall after him, leaving the table in complete confusion.

"Was the milk off or something?" Havoc asked leaning forward to get a look at the spilt carton.

Sniffing it Roy shook his head. "No, its fine."

As one the table looked curiously in the direction the brothers had disappeared.

"Maybe he's lactose intolerant." Hawkeye added into their silence.

-

Ed had just made it to their room in time.

Kicking open the door with his auto-mail leg he'd dashed in, throwing himself into their on suit bathroom.

Then he was violently sick. Everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

His stomach heaved time and time again until his stomach had been emptied so he was only throwing up stomach juices.

There was sick on the floor, on the toilet seat, in the toilet, in the bath, in the shower cubical. He didn't remember doing it but there was also some on the walls.

Who had put the milk on his tray? Al? Very likely. Roy? Also possible.

Gah! It had been years since he'd tasted milk. If anything, it tasted worse then he remembered.

He was furious when he realised the couldn't even clear it up with alchemy. Turn it into something else that was easier to get rid of. Dam his broken arm and Mustang for taking it away!

In a wave of sickness Ed clutched the toilet seat before reaching again.

He'd been violently sick twice in one day, which was not right!

Thinking about what wasn't right Ed's mind fell on the colonel as he wiped his mouth.

Whatever he'd been hinting at was certainly NOT right!


	4. Chapter 4

Hello once again! Another random chapter done where people get to see the full force of Ed's fury. And yes, being sick sucks, I don't know why but I seem to be obsessed with writing about it, I'm very sorry, though to be honest I don't go into huge detail by saying things like what colour the chunks are or that bitter burning feeling you get in your throat.

I'm sorry! Ignore me! Read the story and review! More coming soon and thank you for the lovely reviews!

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Al was pacing nervously outside their on suit bathroom waiting for Ed to come out. He'd finished being sick a while ago but there was no way he was going to step foot in the bathroom. He'd stuck his head in as soon as he'd caught up with Ed, then he saw…_it_.

Vomit.

Everywhere.

Ed was cursing between each time he puked down the toilet oblivious to Al's shock.

There was sick everywhere. The floor, the bath tub, the shower cubical. The walls. How the hell did someone that short manage to get vomit that far up the wall?

Silently Al had withdrawn from the bathroom.

Shortly the sounds of swearing and retching stopped to be replaced by the crackling and hissing of the shower being turned on.

Then the swearing started up again…

"What the fuck...how the hell...ow ow ow! Crap! My eye!...the walls! How did it get on the walls!" was a selection of the profanities and exclamations seeping through the walls.

A lieutenant passing by their rooms had grown very worried from the snatches heard from within and was considering kicking in the door with his gun drawn…then he'd recognised what room it was.

This was Fullmetal's room that he shared with his brother. He speedily continued on his way. No one who knew of Fullmetal was foolish enough to try and upset him; well at least they didn't if they still desired to live.

"Err…what are you doing niichan?" Al asked scared. He hadn't had the nerve to tell Ed that he'd been the one who'd put the carton of milk on his tray. Really it was pretty obvious but currently Ed was too distracted to think that sensibly.

"AH THE HELL WITH IT!" Ed shouted suddenly, the bathroom door flying open. "I GIVE UP!"

In the door way stood a very angry and very wet Ed.

"What were you doing niichan..? Why are you soaked?" Al said cautiously.

"I was trying to clear up the sick!" he said angrily, scowling as he shook his hair out of his face.

"With what?" Al was dreading the answer, he had a feeling that he already knew…

"I was washing it off with the shower. I mean, THE WALLS! HOW THE HELL!" Ed raged as he stormed across the room. Spinning suddenly he was in front of Al, pulling him down with his one arm so he was right in his face. His eyes were lit with an insane anger, a manic gleam, a crazed fury. If this had been anyone other then Al in this situation they would already be fleeing even though Ed couldn't do any alchemy and was without his infamous auto-mail arm.

Al waved his hands frantically to protest his innocence.

"No niichan! Don't kill me!" Al cried.

Ed's eyes narrowed.

"What?" he said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Did you put the milk on my tray?"

Slowly Al reached up and removed Ed's hand from the armour. The front door was still ajar…good.

"YES, I'MSORRYNIICHAN!" Al cried frantically before sprinting from the room.

"AAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Ed screamed.

Their bedroom door cracked with the force it hit the wall with from being thrown open as Ed tore through it.

"GET BACK HERE!" Ed shouted as he flew from his room on his brother's heels.

"NO NIICHAN!" Al cried terrified over his shoulder.

It was a shock for people to see a huge piece of armour running screaming and crying down the corridor at them, they couldn't believe it when they saw it was a short blond boy who seemed to be boiling over with rage chasing him. How could that little boy scare someone like that?

"I'M GUNNA GET YOU AL! YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME!" the boy screamed. He was completely spazzing out. There was actually spit on his chin from his fury after screaming.

Everyone they passed backed away fearfully.

Ah, now they knew why he was running from the short blond…

-

"I saw you took my advice about Ed then Roy." Hughes said as he walked with him from having finished dinner.

"Yeah?" Roy laughed

"I saw that look you gave him that's usually saved for when you're with a girl." Hughes smiled.

"I'll admit that I was surprised when Fullmetal addressed me as sir before actually running from my office." Roy said seriously but there was a slight smirk tweaking the corner of his mouth.

Roy had just opened his mouth when he stopped.

"Noo Niichan!"

Roy and Maes looked at each other.

"Was that Al's voice?" Hughes questioned.

Before Roy could respond Al came shooting round the corner in front of them, his arms waving crazily in the air, wailing as he ran.

"Colonel! Lieutenant! RUN!"

With that he shot between them. Utterly confused they stared at each other.

Then they heard it.

"I'LL GET YOU! THERE'S NO WHERE YOU CAN RUN!"

Ed skidded around the corner just as Al had done.

He was red in the face with his hair flapping around him wildly where some had fallen out of the braid. His clothes were soaking and messy. His eyes were wild and filled with murderous intent.

Silently Roy and Hughes pressed themselves to opposite sides of the corridor.

_I am not going to calm that down_ Roy thought worriedly.

Ed's eyes didn't even see them. He shot past them at lightning speed snarling and growling.

They were silent for a long moment.

"Well, it's never boring with those two around." Hughes laughed but it was verging more towards slightly nervous laughter.

"It's a lot less dangerous without them though." Roy muttered.

-

The sun was setting in a display of gold and orange light revealing a certain two alchemists running in circles around the military building.

"Niichan?" Al said over his shoulder as he ran.

"Grr."

"Niichan?" he called again.

This time there was no response but he could still hear his brother's laboured breath and the rhythmic pattern of his footsteps.

"You can't chase me forever niichan. You're tired and recovering. You got out of hospital this morning! You've been sick twice!" Al called.

"I was sick more then twice because of you!" Came the angry response.

The sounds of the footsteps were starting to falter.

At last! It must have been hours Ed had been chasing him. Note to self: never give Ed milk in a joke ever again. Ever.

Finally Ed's footsteps came to a stop. Al stopped and faced his brother. He was panting heavily, the front shorter pieces of his hair limp with sweat.

"Let's go back niichan, it'll be dark soon." Al whined. Unlike his brother he wasn't hungry, tired or fatigued in anyway. The only blessing of his sin, but even being able to feel such suffering would be better then feeling nothing. He wouldn't deny it wasn't useful at times though…like running away from his furious brother who was after his blood, so to speak.

Silently Ed allowed himself to be half carried, half dragged back to their room, much to the disappointment of the crowd that had gathered in the windows of the headquarters.

Without much difficulty he dragged Ed back to his bed where he laid him out on top of the bed still fully clothed.

Whilst his brother slept Al ventured once again into the bathroom of doom.

Sneaking off into some dark recess of the building Al returned with a pair of rubber gloves and a bucket of cleaning chemicals.

"Once again I'm the one left to clear up brother's mess." Al sighed sadly. "Oh well, let's get to work!"

With scary enthusianism Al began to scrub the walls, floors, bath, shower and toilet. He was just about done as the sky began to grow light.

"Yay for sparkly cleanness!"

-

Sorry about the fixation on vomit (it's a great word tho ;p) I'll try not to mention it again!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the wait people, here's the next chapter for ye! Random, but I pretty much think that all my stories are random, not that I've done many, I think that's just the way my twisted mind works. No voming in this chappy thought there is some unknown solvent abuse on Ed's part. Do not consider anything I write as a guideline or role model or you'll be on the road of DOOM!

Read, enjoy and review:D

-

"Stupid bastards…they wait 'til I get my arm back…jerks…" Ed muttered furiously under his breath as he marched from the dining hall. Ed was too angry to think about it, so the events will be explained with a flashback…

He'd woken up that morning to Al strolling out of the bathroom reeking of disinfectant and a general chemically smell that was so over powering it had made his eyes water. His head was throbbing and he had a burning taste at the back of his mouth.

"How long have you been cleaning Al!" Ed choked out.

"I started a while after you fell asleep. I got off all your sick but then I'd got it on myself and I didn't want to go around smelling of sick for as long as I'm a piece of armour so I cleaned myself by detaching pieces of me, cleaning them and then reattaching myself! Now me and the bathroom are both sparkly clean!" Al cried happily with stars in his eyes.

If Ed hadn't known it wasn't possible he would have thought the fumes had gone to Al's head.

They hadn't (mostly because they couldn't affect Al having no lungs and all). Instead they'd gone to Ed's head as he'd been breathing them in all night without his knowledge. He put the light-headedness down to hunger and tiredness from all the chasing and threatening he'd done the day before. Shouting death threats at people could really take it out of you.

Eager to get some fresh, or at least fresher, air Ed had gone down to breakfast alone whilst suffering the effects of solvent abuse.

Edward was dangerous enough when he WAS thinking straight, and currently he wasn't. He was slightly high and rather angry. Why angry? No particular reason. You didn't need one if you were the Fullmetal alchemist.

Silently and a little unsteadily he had collected his food onto a tray before carrying it over to a free table.

He didn't feel like talking.

"Hiya Ed! You finally stopped chasing Al then?" Havoc called over to his right.

Ed's eye twitched as he glared at who had spoken. He was having a little trouble focusing.

Silently he sat down on the empty table, aware of the people watching him over on the right.

"Hey, are you alright Ed?" Hughes called over to him.

Honestly he wasn't. He felt sick.

There was a scraping sound from next to him. The people on the right of him had got up from their table and were sitting down on his.

Havoc was suddenly sitting next to him.

"You ok Ed?" he repeated, his cigarette precariously balanced between his lips.

"What are you talking about? He's completely out of it, look at his eyes." Hughes smirked.

"He's shorter then usual isn't he?" someone unseen by Ed said.

"Shut up or he'll spaz out and I won't help you." Havoc muttered.

"What are you worried about? He can't do alchemy; he hasn't got his auto-mail arm."

This caused Ed to snap out of his solvent induced daydream.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A PATHETIC ONE ARMED MIDGET WHO CAN'T DO ALCHEMY?" Ed shouted.

"…well, you can't do alchemy, can you?" Havoc said slowly.

"Wrong again." Ed cried as he slammed his left hand down onto the table top where an alchemy circle had been shallowly scratched into the wood. With amazing speed and accuracy Ed had marked it into the table with the knife that'd been resting on his tray.

In a flash of light the table sprouted hands and grabbed onto each person at the table other then Ed.

The dining room had fallen silent as all attention was drawn to Ed and his table.

Casually Ed picked up a piece of ongiri from his tray before strolling from the hall, ignoring the fact that he was the focus of the entire room.

"Great." Havoc sighed as he looked down at the wood hand that still remained clasped around his wrist. It could have been worst; he might have totally flipped out.

Ed's composure had lasted about 10 seconds once out of the hall before he'd carried on ranting about how he was not short and what he'd be doing once he got his arm back.

Coincidently Roy Mustang had just entered from the opposite side of the dining hall to which Ed had just left. Silence was still heavy in the hall; no one had yet recovered from Ed's show of alchemy which was currently holding the people on Ed's table captive.

Literally holding them.

Held prisoner by a table. At least it was an interesting way to start the day. Really. How often did things like this happen?

"What happened here?" Roy said as he froze after a few steps into the hall, his eyes sweeping the hall having noticed the stillness and silence before settling on the wooden hands protruding from the table top gripping his subordinates.

"Ed is what happened here." Havoc sighed.

"Where'd he go?" Roy demanded his voice rumbling through the silent room like thunder.

As one, everyone in the hall pointed to the door Ed had left through.

Roy stormed across the hall to disappear through the same door.

"Err…how do we get these things off?" Hughes muttered looking down at the wooden hand.

-

Ed was wandering in the general direction of his room when he changed his mind. He didn't really want to go back there when it was still filled with chemicals and fumes. Aimlessly he headed off towards the main exit.

Maybe he'd sit outside for a while in the sun…

"FULLMETAL!"

Slowing Ed turned to look over his shoulder.

A very angry looking Roy was marching up the corridor after him. Through the throbbing in his head Ed saw that the colonel was wearing his evil evil gloves. He really didn't feel like being burnt to a crisp today.

"What the devil do you think you are doing!" Mustang said as he stopped abruptly in front of Ed who had turned to face the angry colonel.

"Well, I was going to go back to my room but it smells like disinfectant and that makes me feel sick so I'm going to sit outside for a while." Ed replied as he stuffed the last of the ongiri into his mouth.

Pausing to spare Ed a look of disgust at his eating habits Roy continued.

"I'm talking about you transumating tables." He said sternly, his eyes angry and serious.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT I ONLY HAVE ONE ARM AND CAN'T DO ALCHEMY!" Ed cried angrily. It was an over reaction even for him.

"I think you've proved that you can do alchemy very well with one hand from the example in the dining hall." Roy said as his expression relaxed. From this random outburst which was typical for Ed's behaviour he could guess that someone had insulted him, or said something about his arm and he'd simply freaked out. As usual.

Remembering Hughes advice to him Roy changed tactics now that he'd figured out that the transmutation hadn't been anything serious considering it was Ed.

Slipping an appreciative smile onto his face Roy held Ed's eyes.

"I would _suggest_ that you don't do it again, or we might have to have that private chat I was talking about in our last meeting." Roy widened his smile suggestively.

Ed's eyes were wide with a mixture of shock and horror. He'd forgotten. For some reason this slightly annoyed Roy.

_When I make a pass at a girl the certainly don't forget it_ Roy thought as he inwardly scowled.

"Anyway, you said you were going to sit outside. I think I'll join you." It was worth the embarrassment and self disgust just to watch Ed's reaction as his face was drained of all colour.

"I've changed my mind I'm going to go to my room." Ed said quickly as he took as step backwards.

"I'll walk you there then." Roy smirked.

"No!" Ed cried before turning away to half run, half walk away from Roy down the corridor, looking over his shoulder every couple of steps to make sure Roy wasn't following him.

Once he'd rounded a corner Ed broke into a full run.

Roy laughed softly before turning to go back to the dinner hall to see if they'd managed to undo Ed's alchemy yet.

-

Yes, this was a random chapter. Was it necessary to the story? No, I just felt like writing it. Bye bye!

p.s. sorry it's short, I'll try and make the next chappy longer!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello! Before I get to the story I'd just like to say that this week I finally got broad band! All excited I got it working on my laptop through the usb before I brought myself a wireless adaptor. I was thinking 'yes! I can finally be online anywhere in the house and read fanfics on ffn!' I loaded up the wireless adaptor, I actually got it to connect to the internet, it said the signal was good but I couldn't get on any web pages or sign into my hotmail, like I wasn't online even tho I was. I phoned up the help line which I was told to do loads of things and everything was running. Then I read off the make of my broad band router and the helper guy was quiet before saying: 'wireless adaptors are not compatible with that router.' I nearly cried right there and then down the phone. 3 hours I'd been doing that! £45 pounds it cost me! Argh! 

Err…well. Ignore that rant…I had to get it off my chest really… :

I've also never written a disclaimer so I'll do it now:

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! I do own however a useless wireless adaptor!

And I was vaccinated today! it hurt!

Anyway! Back to the story! This chapters a bit longer too!  
Enjoy!

-

Ed had been acting strange recently, and it wasn't to do with his missing arm. It was like he was afraid…but nothing scared niichan.  
Al wasn't stupid, he'd realised that Ed only acted this way once he'd seen the colonel.  
Ed had taken to pacing around the corridors in one giant lap or doing the same in the grounds of the building as he wasn't allowed on any missions. The doctors wouldn't let him leave the premises without an escort believing he'd just come back injured further in some obscure way. He seemed to draw trouble to him.  
Al had already silently decided he was going to have to secretly listen in on the colonel to find out once and for all what was going on. Ed certainly wouldn't tell him.  
"Would you please stop counting the laps Al? Or at least count in your head?" Ed growled next to him.  
Deep in though Al hadn't even realised.  
"Sorry niichan." He said blankly as Al watched his brother. He was about to exhibit another of his odd behavioural developments.  
Whenever they reached a corner or a bend Ed slowed as he started to try and look down the new corridor without actually moving into it solely by moving his eyes, not his head so he looked kinda crazy. Walking slowly…eyes darting around in all angles. It was just really strange.  
Watching expectantly Al was proved correct as Ed began to slow.  
"What are you doing?" Al said a little bluntly "Huh? I'm not doing anything!" Ed cried extra defensively "Then what's with the twitchy eyes"  
"What I'm not twitchy"  
"I didn't say you! I said you had twitchy eyes! Stop prevaricating and tell me what you keep freaking out about." Al said, sounding very grown up in the last sentence.  
"Preva what?" Ed sneered but failed miserably as his eyes where still scanning the corridors.  
Before Al could respond Ed had frozen, the look of fear was back in his eyes.  
"Shit!" it was practically a whisper that escaped Ed's lips.  
For a moment he stood undecided, eyes searching.  
Ed's hand shot upwards where he snatched Al's head from his shoulders.  
"WHA!" Al cried in confusion and outrage but Ed was already on the move.  
Using the bent knees of Al's armour as steps Ed climbed up Al's front, using the spiked metal shoulders as handles. Avoiding Al's flailing arms Ed fell through the gap in the armour where there was space for a person's neck, down into the inside of the armour, replacing Al's head back onto his shoulders.  
Al remained frozen, too shocked to move. What the fuck!  
Then he heard the foot steps behind him. Turning he saw the colonel round the corner behind him.  
Spotting Al he addressed him casually.  
"Do you know where your brother is Al"  
From the subtle hint of Ed jabbing the metal interior of Al's armour he merely shook his head.  
Without a reply the colonel simply turned back in the direction he had come from.  
"What the hell is going on! What did you do!" Al hissed.  
"I didn't do anything, he's the one-" Ed hissed back stopping suddenly where he'd seemingly chosen not to finish the sentence.  
"What! Has he done something to you niichan?" Al cried, getting a frightened glance from a passing cleaner.  
"NO"  
"Tell me"  
"NO"  
"That's it! I'm going to find out once and for all"  
"NO Al! What are you doing!" Ed cried, panic clear in his voice.  
Without speaking another word Al marched off after the colonel, using one hand to keep his head on where Ed was trying to push his way out.  
For a long while Al followed Roy as quietly as he could. Ed had given up shouting and now sat quietly within the armour, peering out every couple of second through a gap between the helmet and the gap for the neck.  
Al wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous person, especially with all the extra rattling of Ed moving around. He was still trying to get out but going about it much more quietly, having initially given up on the swearing and brute force. Alchemy was ruled out. He was going to have to wait for Al to drop his guard.  
Al followed the colonel, amazingly unseen, back to his office.  
Leaning down Al peered through the key hole.  
From what he could make out, the man was asleep in his chair with his feet crossed resting on the desk.  
"Just give up Al, nothing going on. Let me out!" Ed hissed, managing to compact his usual anger into a whisper so it sounded more venomous and enraged then usual.  
Then Al heard it just after Ed had shut up. Voices from inside Roy's office.  
The brothers fell silent as Al edged forward. Luckily the corridor around them was empty as it would be instantly obvious what Al was doing as you couldn't really miss a large piece of armour crouching in front of a door to listen at a key hole like a child.  
"…isn't that a bit dangerous to be using that paperwork as a foot rest? What if Riza sees?" a familiar voice said from within the office.  
Hughes?  
"It wouldn't be any worse then usual." Roy drawled in response.  
Ha! So he had been resting his feet on the desk. It had been too difficult to see anything of detail through the key hole even with his sharp vision.  
"So, how are things going with Ed?" said Hughes (it was defiantly him Al had decided.  
Al was intrigued. At least they were eavesdropping on something relevant, instead of something irritating like the colonel spouting some military nonsense.  
I bet he joined the military just so he could wear the uniform Ed thought to himself as he sneered in Al's darkened interior.  
Al tried to do the impossible and peer into himself. He wished he could see his brothers face, he was so easy to read, his expressions might as well have been his thoughts written in ink across his face.  
"Interestingly well. I sent him running yesterday, all I did was smile and say I'd escort him to his room." Roy said with quiet humour, making it more difficult for the brothers to hear.  
"I think you're warming to this role better then the fatherly figure, I think you like it." Hughes said smugly.  
They waited with baited breath. Was the colonel playing a trick on niichan? Al thought puzzled.  
Ed's thoughts weren't quite so calm.  
Oh god, he's gay, he really is! I'm too young, how could he like someone so young! He's a pedo! And my colonel!  
Roy laughed a little sarcastically at Hughes comment.  
"I don't think I'll ever be batting for the other side Maes. It's just a refreshing change to be able to speak to Ed without him flipping out halfway thought." Roy replied.  
Huh? Won't bat for the other side? So he's not gay…so what's going on? Ed mentally ranted.  
"I still don't know…you act gay a little too well…are you sure you're not? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Is that why you would never let me help you settle down with a pretty wife? I could just as easily help you find a husband…" Hughes said quickly so Roy couldn't interrupt.  
"I would stop right there if I was you unless you like smelling as though you've been flame grilled. It was you in the first place who told me to come on to Ed"  
Ed and Al remained frozen.  
"WHAT THE HELL!" was the general gist of what was passing through their heads. It contained a lot more swearing in Ed's mind though.  
There was movement from within the office. Panicking Al looked around.  
A conveniently large rubbish trolley had been left at the end of the corridor.  
Without pausing for thought Al reached it in three bounding leaps before diving head first into rubbish and leftover food from the dining hall, completely forgetting about Ed and the rough ride he must be getting.  
The force of Al's leap had given the trolley momentum; trapped under copious amounts of rubbish the brothers were helpless as they were taken on a ride of doom. The trolley shot forward taking the two brothers who where practically living replicas of Russian dolls where within each one a smaller one sat, were forced to go along with the ride.  
"WHAT'S HAPPENING!" Ed cried blindly from within Al's chest as they shot along the corridor in the rubbish trolley.  
Pushing himself upwards Al's head broke the surface of the rubbish, a slice of cucumber obscuring one eye, when Al started to scream.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! NIISAN"  
Ed had no idea what the hell was going on, one moment they were outside Mustang's office then Al had ran, then it went dark an they were shooting along as though in a car and to top it off there was a really nasty smell of rubbish and crap!  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Al cried again louder and longer then before.  
They were heading straight for a solid brick wall.  
"WHAT'S HAPPENING! ARE WE GOING TO DIE!" Ed cried blindly as he tried to peer out.  
"YES NIISAN!" Al shouted hysterical.  
The trolley slammed head on into the wall, rubbish spewing out in every direction Al (and therefore also Ed) flew out of the trolley hitting the wall before slamming into the ground. The trolley crumpled.  
Al was buried under a thin layer of wrappers that floated to the ground like colourful shining snow.  
For a second everything was still.  
With a dull clunk of metal Al's head was pushed off from the inside to reveal the beaten, bruised and dishevelled Fullmetal alchemist.  
There was a piece of tomato in his hair and a foul smelling liquid all over the back of his red coat.  
Turning around Ed replaced the armour head.  
"Are you alright Al?" Ed croaked as he surveyed the destruction around them.  
"I'm fine. Are you ok?" Al said as he pushed himself up easily, wiping the cucumber slice from his eye, not having noticed that he looked more like a person transmutated from a hundred rubbish sacks from the amount of crap stuck to him.  
Suddenly the pair became aware that they weren't alone.  
Looking up slowly their eyes landed on a stunned looking lieutenant Hawkeye who had clearly seen the whole incident, the trolley hitting the wall, Al falling out the trolley, then Ed falling out of Al…  
"Err…RUN!" Ed cried. As good as his word he shot off down a joining corridor with Al sharply on his heels.  
Silently she continued to stare.  
"That was possibly the strangest thing I have seen since working here…" she said quietly as she stared into the mouth of the corridor they'd disappeared into.

-

Running like mad men the brothers flew along the corridors, their arms waving crazily as they left a trial of food pieces and wrappers behind them.  
Finally reaching there room Ed flung himself through the door and straight into the bathroom.  
"NOO ED! I'VE JUST CLEANED THAT"  
But Ed wasn't listening.  
"All that time he's been making an idiot of me! Laughing it up with Hughes and the others when my back is turned! Oh, he is going to pay. HE IS GOING TO PAY!" Ed cried as he reappeared from the bathroom red in the face and breathing heavily.  
"What?" Al said his mind working overtime to try and catch up to what Ed was freaking out about.  
"GAY! HE'S BEEN ACTING GAY! Since he took my arm away from me he's been winking and licking his lips! I've been pissing myself and he was just playing one huge joke"  
"WHAT!" Al cried more high pitched then usual.  
"I'm gunna punch the crap out of him!" Ed said grinning evilly as he clenched his left hand into a fist before his face.  
Ed stepped forward as though to leave the room and do exactly that. Al stepped in front of him where he physically had to grab Ed's shoulders to stop him.  
"I won't let you try and kill the colonel and have you burnt to a crisp instead!" Al said.  
The momentary silence was broken by the gentle splat of a piece of fish skin sliding off of Al's chest onto the floor.  
"No, you're right. I need alchemy to kick his ass. I want to humiliate and embarrass him. This is going to require my brilliant acting skills, I only hope I have a strong enough stomach to deal with Mustang, that, and I'm gunna need my arm back." Ed said as he turned away from Al where he began to pace the length of the room his face showing deep though and concentration contradicted by his sinister smile.  
Ed did truly have a brilliant mind; he just had a tendency in using it in elaborate schemes and plans which usually involved revenge.  
For a while everything was silent as Ed paced, stopping suddenly Ed wrinkled his nose looking at Al.  
Pointing silently into the bathroom he said with the same expression "Please"  
Getting the hint Al sighed and moved towards the bathroom.  
"Take this too." Ed said handing him the bin as he eyed the crap plastered to his younger brother.  
Turning away Ed opened all the windows and turned on the small electric fan.  
Their room had gone to extremes. Firstly covered in vomit, then painfully clean reeking of chemicals and now back to filth whilst stinking like a dump.  
"You're not going to do anything stupid are you niisan?" Al called from the bathroom as he scraped the filth from him into the bin.  
"No. I'm going to plan this and its gunna be good." Ed chuckled darkly.

-

Back in Mustang's office:  
"Did you hear anything like screaming or a trolley crashing just then?" Hughes asked.  
"No." Roy replied.  
"Oh, ok. It must have been my imagination."

-

Author Rant:  
Hope you enjoyed! I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter, sitting there smiling away to myself as I run away with my imagination…that could lead to strange, dangerous, random, twisted places…  
You'll c next chapter, lol


	7. Chapter 7

Hiya! Soz for the slow update. This chapter's v.short as Ed's revenge is coming next!

Yay, revenge!

-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Staggering over the front door Ed undid the lock, opening the door about halfway to see who would be ringing at such and early hour.

"AH!" Ed cried as he saw a shiny metal object flying through the air at him.

With a dull 'THUNK' a spanner made contact with Ed's forehead sending him reeling backwards as stars burst before his eyes.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO GET YOUR ARM INTO SUCH A STATE! COMPLETELY SHORTED OUT! PIECES MISSING! WATER DAMAGE! TEETH MARKS!" came the shrieking voice of doom…….Winry Rockbell.

"Winry!" Al cried overjoyed as he heard the ranting screams that had always filled him with warmth.

"Al! How are you?" Winry said happily as she stepped over Ed into the room.

The two chatted contentedly as Al went into the corridor to bring her bags through.

"Ow Winry!" Ed groaned as he rubbed his head as he stood up a little unsteadily.

Suddenly she was looming over him, spanner being wielded like some kind of grand weapon.

"Then take better care of your auto-mail. Next time I'll be using the screw driver, and I'm not talking about on your arm or leg." She said leering unpleasantly fingering her spanner of doom as she spoke.

Ed's eye twitched.

He knew _exactly_ what she meant.

Like a switch had been pushed, she changed. She became the nice smiling Winry he knew, and didn't fear.

Evil Winry was terrifying…

"Take a seat Ed and I'll have your arm back as good as new." She said smiling.

Out of one case she produced her tool box, from another she produced a shiny new auto-mail arm.

Seeing that arm was like have Christmas, Easter and his birthday come all at once. Now there was nothing standing between him and his ultimate revenge on Mustang…

Except a couple hours of intense pain of having the nerve endings reattached when the auto-mail is attached…

Ok, he won't be doing much revenge today then.

Silently she worked on his arm, meaning she was in deep concentration.

There was a gentle clicking of metal as she readjusted the fit of his arm and the attachments of the wires and counting of the screws (Ed had never let her forget that time she had forgotten a screw…) Winry's eye twitched at this.

"It's all set up Ed. Are you ready?" she said once it was all attached before she connected the nerves.

"Aww I hate this part, even though it's been done loads of times." Ed groaned through clenched teeth. "Just get it over and done with."

"Ok, here we go." She said before smoothly turning the switch.

"Ggrr ah ur" Ed groaned through clenched teeth as he felt the auto-mail attach. It was like having a white hot tong clamp onto the end of every single nerve in his arm.

Al repositioned his brother by easing him back onto his bed though he was quite certain Ed was oblivious to everything around him from the look of agony on his face, he eyes held shut.

"Niichan." Al breathed, full of pain as he watched his brother.

Al and Winry sat down on one side of the room talking quietly.

-

"Colonel Mustard!" Hughes cried as he burst into Roy's office.

"Mustard?"

"Er…sorry, I was playing cludo. Colonel Mustang, Winry Rockbell has already arrived and has just completed the re-attachment of Edward Elric's arm." Hughes said a little breathlessly.

"Great. He'll be blowing things up in no time then." Roy said with a hint of sarcasm. "How long do I have until a short angry blond boy will charge into my office and try and attack me for coming onto him?"

"I dunno, a day. Can I go sir, we're still playing and I'm very certain it's Mustard." Hughes asked as he started to edge towards the door.

"Fine, but if I die it's your fault." Roy said only to see Hughes had already left.

-

Told u it was short.


	8. Chapter 8

hello! sorry for the wait! i went a bit mental and started writing stories all over the place, sooo i got a little distracted from this one... but here you go!

-

Roy had always been proud of his ability to handle difficult situations. He could respond with just the right amount of humour or seriousness. He had actually been commended in his handling of Fullmetal by other officers. Under a stricter officer Edward may have long ago given up on the military. Or have been court-martialled.

He had never (well, never say never, not in a long time then) found himself in a situation where he was completely stumped.

It had been a couple days since he had seen the short blond alchemist but he had more important things to think about. The Fuhrer had appeared for a surprise inspection of central head quarters when he saw an unwelcome surprise over the man's shoulder.

Edward Elric

Oh god, let him do nothing stupid. Just don't blow anything up!

That's when he saw it.

The fearsome Fullmetal alchemist was winking saucily at him from behind the Fuhrer's back.

Deadened black eyes stared in disbelief.

It got worse. Ed pulled his hair out of its braid so it fell loose around his shoulders before he ran his right hand through his hair repeatedly as he blew Roy a kiss with the other!

ED.BLEW.HIM.A.KISS.

The Fuhrer had asked him a question he hadn't heard.

He watched dumbfounded as Ed silently ran off down a corridor out of sight.

Oookaaaay…

-

Back in his room Ed drew the curtains even though it was only late afternoon and still completely light outside. He felt like being…evil.

Al was a little freaked out by his brother's behaviour, being slightly stranger then usual.

"Stage one went perfectly to plan Al! And what made it even better was the fact that he was talking to the Fuhrer at the time!"

Al was _slightly _worried at this point. Had Ed caused troubled for the colonel? Because if he had then that was guaranteed trouble for him. And maybe even a light roasting.

"So…what's stage two?" Al asked. He really shouldn't show any interest at all. It only encouraged him.

"Humiliate him! Freak him out real good! Then just when he's panicking I reveal the joke as well as the fact that I knew he was trying to trick me (and I was just acting along, you hadn't fooled me bastard taisa) and watch him freak out some more. He'll be so embarrassed he probably won't talk to me for a month." Ed said gleefully, revelling in his revenge.

At that moment in time Hughes had happened to be passing by Ed's room and, even though it wasn't in his nature, he'd paused to eaves drop after hearing manic laughing from within.

Ed had some sort of revenge planned huh? He was going to have to hang around and see this. He knew about Roy's prank on him by acting gay. So what exactly was the blond up to, he hadn't mentioned anything…?

-

Ed didn't have to wait long for his chance. The next day he was summoned to the colonel's office by Hughes that morning.

All unknown to the colonel himself.

Before Hughes had come to see Ed he had taken advantage of Mustang leaving his office for coffee.

"Quickly guys! Get in there!" Maes hissed once checking the coast was clear.

Out of nowhere shot Farman, Havoc, Breda and Fuery who darted swiftly into the office where they all crammed into the closet.

"I'll just get Ed!" Hughes hissed to them. With one final check that his camera was fully functional he dashed off to get Ed.

Banging on the door which was answered by the blond alchemist Hughes launched into his story why the colonel needed to see him. Ed hardly listened to a word he said. He could see that suppressed smile on the boy's face.

At the office door Ed didn't knock but let himself straight in.

"Good morning colonel." Ed said huskily as he shut the door behind him in an attempt to be seductive.

"What are you doing here Fullmetal?" Mustang said over his coffee genuinely surprised.

"Oh, I don't know. I just couldn't keep away." Ed said smirking.

Was there giggling coming from the closet?

"That's usually the case with the women but not teenaged boys." Roy said turning on his own charm to try and shock the boy as he had before but it looked like Edward had picked up on his game. He wasn't going to let Fullmetal think he could be embarrassed by blowing him a kiss and a wink.

Standing up grudgingly Roy moved round the desk.

"And why would that be Fullmetal?" Mustang asked as he put a hand on the blonds shoulder.

For a moment there was a look of disgust on Ed's face.

The next thing Roy knew was that Edward's arms were around his shoulders, the boy's lips pressed firmly to his own.

-

(Outside the office at that EXACT moment)

"Mr Hughes, do you know where I could find Ed? It's just that I'm leaving today and I wanted to say good bye." Winry said, her favourite spanner sticking out of her back pocket.

"Right in there. Just go in. in fact let me get that for you…"

-

The door was suddenly thrown open as Ed's lips pressed against Mustang's, the older man gripping Ed's shoulders to push him away but it merely looking like he was pulling the blond into the embrace. There was a flash of light like lightening. A camera flash.

"GET OFF OF ED YOU DIRTY PERVERT!"

A spanner struck Roy right between the eyes as they both turned embarrassed to the intruders.

The spanner made a dull 'thunk' as it connected with Mustang's skull, the force knocking him backwards where he unceremoniously hit the floor.

Edward was desperately torn, he wanted to laugh at Roy but he was choking on fear of what Winry was going to do to _him _if she had just thrown a spanner at his commanding officer. The resulting noise that escaped the blond's mouth was a strange groaning squawk.

Winry stormed forward and Ed felt realisation of his fate hit him. He was going to die. He'd lived a good life…right?

Grabbing Ed's flesh wrist she furiously dragged him from the room, ignoring it when Ed's feet failing to move resulting with him lying on the floor as she continued to drag him hoping sincerely that he got carpet burn as she did.

For a second there was silence. Winry and Ed were gone, though the terrifying girl's rants and threats could still be heard.

Mustang pushed himself up rubbing his forehead as Hughes watched on smirking.

CRASH!

The closet door fell open as Farman, Havoc, Breda and Fuery fell out on to the floor in one giant bundle.

From out in the corridor there was one final echo of Winry's voice.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING ED? YOU'RE COMING WITH ME TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

Hughes grinned.

"I got it on photo!" he cried before fleeing the room as did the other 4 that had been hiding. No body wants to be cooked by the colonels flame gloves.

Squinting around the now empty room Roy felt the bump rising on his head as his vision darkened around the edges.

Standing up he managed to stagger over to his desk where he swiftly passed out slumping over his desk. (You had to build up immunity from Winry's 'spanner-to-the-head' attacks as Ed had done, so really Mustang stood no chance.)

It wasn't until a while later the colonel was really in trouble when Hawkeye returned to find him unconscious on the desk.

"I WILL TOLERATE NO SLEEPING ON THE JOB TAISA!" she cried, whipping out her gun.

The situation went down hill from there…

-

The question is did Roy and Ed survive past that day? Or did they both suffer at the hands of angry blond women, there fate either sealed with a gun or a spanner? OF COURSE NOT! Though they both suffered, and not just physically…

The two men were to be found a couple of days later back in the colonel's office. They stood side by side as they leant against the front of the wooden desk, arms folded and not looking at the other.

Reaching up the raven haired man winced as his hand brushed the place the flying spanner had hit him.

"Serves you right bastard." Ed laughed seeing his pain.

"Laugh Fullmetal but I heard what the young lady did to you…" Roy smirked.

Ed's face was a mask of horror and fear. "I don't wanna talk about it!"

Sighing, Mustang rested his hands on the edge of the desk.

"Well at least you got a girl Fullme –"

"DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"-tal, I can't get girls to go out with me at the moment. Not after being kissed by a 16 year old boy. Hughes wasn't shy in flaunting that picture." Roy continued unfazed by Edwards shouting.

Silence fell between them again as Ed recovered from the traumatic images of Winry…

"It was all your fault. You started the gay thing." The blond muttered unhappily.

"Only because you wouldn't show me any respect."

"That's because you call me short and use me and my brother for your own means!"

"That's because you ARE short as well as being a state alchemist, with me being your ranking officer."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M SO SHORT THAT YOU WANT TO CRUSH ME LIKE AN ANT!"

"I didn't say that."

"Bastard."

Ed turned away in a huff heading for the door.

"Don't worry Ed, your kissing's not that bad, I'll put in a good word about you to my dates daughter, she might help you improve."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Ed shrieked as he tackled Roy where they fell painfully to the ground.

Right at that moment the office door opened.

Frozen, the alchemists stared in fear.

Framed by a devilish light in the doorway stood…Winry.

"CAN'T EITHER OF YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF FOR MORE THEN 5 SECONDS!" Winry shouted, her eyes black in a mixture of anger and evil intent.

Looking down Ed realised what she must be seeing. He was straddling Roy's hips, his hands resting on the man's shoulders.

"It's not what it looks like!" Ed pleaded.

In a flash of silver two spanners shot through the air.

Once she was done with them it was about a week before they could sit down or walk properly. Both men had nightmares about a very strong blond mechanic and her flying spanners.

The end.

-

random but there you go!

random, but theere


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